Ryan’s Miracle Watch 5/26/17

Some FB funnies:

“Lord, Give me patience, because if you give me strength, I’m gonna need bail money to go with it.”


“If I’m ever on life support, unplug me. Then, plug me back in. See if that works.”


“Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.”


“I hate it when I see some old person and then realize we went to high school together.”


“”Rabbi, our son is a holy terror. He’s been thrown out of six schools already, and he’s only in fifth grade!”

“Send him to Catholic school.”

“What?! Are you sure?”


A week later:

“Good afternoon, Mom. How are you, Dad?”

“Fine, son. How was school?”

“Great. I’m going to do my homework now. Please help me get to school on time tomorrow. Oh, and can I have an apple for the teacher?”

“Son, I’m proud of you. Seems like that new school is really straightening you out.”

“Yeah well, they mean business, Dad. They’ve got a Jew nailed to a cross in every room!””


And last but not least…

“Whiten your teeth in 7 minutes!”


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