Ryan’s Miracle Watch 1/21/19

“When you first have children they talk about the challenges of parenting….the struggles of a baby waking in the night,
the toddler who won’t stay in their bed, the cost of childcare, injuries from sports…

Having to take off work to pick them up from school when they don’t feel well, helping them with homework, a messy house, the never-ending laundry, the cost to buy school clothes, packing their lunches….

You watch their eyes light up on Christmas morning….and try to soak in the magic of those moments.

You are their #1 fan as they play sports, rushing to practices and ballgames…and tote them all over the country to let them play the game they love…no matter how exhausting or expensive it becomes.

Life is just so busy that you rarely even stop to think what the end of those days look like. Or even realize that it will come to an end.

You go into it thinking that 18-20 years sounds like a long time….

Then suddenly hours turn into days…days into months…and months into years.

That little person that used to crawl up next to you in bed and cuddle up to watch cartoons…suddenly becomes this young adult who hugs you in the hallway as they come and go.

And the chaos and laughter that used to echo throughout your home….gets filled with silence and solitude.

You’ve learned how to parent a child who needs you to care for and protect them….but have no clue how the whole “letting go” thing is supposed to work.

So you hold on as tight as you can…wondering how time passed so quickly…feeling guilty that you missed something….

Because even though you had 20 years…..it just somehow doesn’t seem like it was enough.

You ask yourself so many questions…

Did you teach them the right lessons?
Did you read them enough books as a child?
Spend enough time playing with them?
How many school parties did you have to miss?
Do they really know how much you love them?
What could I have done better as a parent?

…..When it’s time for them to go, it all hits you like a ton of bricks.

And all you can do is pray….hope….and trust that God will protect them as they start to make their way into the world alone.

Parenting is by far the most amazing experience of your life….that at times leaves you exhilarated….and at times heartbroken.

But one thing is certain…..it’s never enough time…

So for all the parents with young children…who’s days are spent trying to figure out how to make it through the madness…
Exhausted day in and day out…

Soak. It. All. In.

Because one day….all those crazy days full of cartoons, snuggles, sleep overs, Christmas morning magic, ballgames, practices and late night dinners…

All come to an end.

And you’re left hoping that you did enough right, so that when they spread their wings….

They’ll fly…”

– Author Unknown

Ryan’s Miracle Watch 1/20/19

As, a, rule, of, thumb, aren’t, commas, supposed, to, be, used, in, sentences, where, a, natural, break, or, pause, occurs? Well, I’m, exhausted, and, out, of, breath, so, here, you, are.

For the past several weeks, I’ve been trying to see if I can get any kind/sense of consistent movement “on command” from Ryan. This is one method of determining a way of communicating with him. For example, I’ll ask him to move a finger and then stare at it (his finger) to see if there’s any pattern to any movement I see. So far, I don’t see any movement that suggests a deliberate effort on his part, but I’m not giving up. Please pray for continued patience on my and Ryan’s part to push through this tedious exercise…

I love and miss my boy…

Ryan’s Miracle Watch 1/19/19 Prayer Request for Luke Souza

Please pray for my friend’s son Luke Souza (I went to high school with Ken, Luke’s dad). This was just posted on his Caring Bridge site.
Hi all… well our Luke (21yrs old), needs prayers again please.  As you might recall, Dec 2017 he was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma with a large tumor in his chest between his lungs and next to his heart.  He had 12 chemo treatments and 15 days of radiation which he finished in July.  He tolerated the treatments well and he was so strong through it all, and the post scan (9/18) showed NO activity at all. He has been feeling great and looking good.
This past week he had his 6 month post PET Scan.  Unfortunately, the scan revealed that there is perhaps some new activity where his tumor was (it is scar tissue now and was inoperable because it was next to heart and in between his lungs). So the next step is to have a biopsy done in that area which they hope to have scheduled next week.

So here are my prayer requests:

1- Prayers that it is NOT cancer and just a mis-read or something else not serious (which the Dr. said has happened before). There is always a change it is NOTHING!
2- That the Dr. performing the biopsy will be able to get a good biopsy that will reveal exactly what it is  (cancer or not).  If this biopsy comes back inconclusive, then he will be referred to a surgeon for a more invasive and riskier biopsy procedure.  So please let this biopsy be the ONE and ONLY one he needs.
3- Another PET will be done in 60 days, so prayers that whatever it is will be gone before 60 days!
4-Prayers for peace and strength during this time.
THANK YOU so much, and blessings to you all,

Vickie &  Ken Souza and family


Ryan’s Miracle Watch 1/17/19

Another earthquake this morning a little after 6. I don’t need an alarm anymore…

It doesn’t seem to phase Ryan, however. He just sleeps right through them (Earthquakes, that is. Oh, and the occasional earthquake too, I suppose). I wish I could sleep that well. I could if God would allow me to trade places with him. I wish God would heal him, though, so he doesn’t have that excuse anymore, and I can yell at him to get up when he’s supposed to. For now, I’ll watch over him while he’s resting peacefully…

Lord, Heal Ryan right now. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Ryan’s Miracle Watch 1/16/19

How appropriate it is to have just finished listening to the story about Noah and the flood this week. No sooner did Ryan and I finish, the rain really started to come down. It had been coming down lightly for a while, but now…now it’s coming down hard; harder than I’ve seen it in quite some time (perhaps years). I was just out in it to pick up some of Ryan’s meds from Walnut Creek Kaiser, and counted at least 6 solo accidents going and coming. Must be the reason people were going 35 on the freeway. It’s supposed to rain for the next several hours and then turn into thunder/lightning storms in the wee hours of the morning.

Speaking of wee hours in the morning: Yesterday, at about a quarter to five in the A.M., a small earthquake (magnitude 3.4) hit a couple of towns over from us. For some reason, I didn’t feel it…even though I don’t think I was sleeping very hard.

Do you think God’s trying to tell us something with all of these signs? I think He’s been trying to tell us something for years and years and years. This is just another attempt to gain our collective attentions. I may not have been sleeping very hard, but God’s still telling me to WAKE UP! I understand that last sentence is not grammatically correct, but I’m too tired to think about how to correct it.

Goodnight y’all…zzzz

Ryan’s Miracle Watch 1/15/19

BOLDLY   adj:   fearlessly, courageously, decisively

CONFIDENCE   noun:   a state of confident hopefulness that events will be favorable

Hebrews 4:16 NIV  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

 NKJV   Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.


How’s that for bold?

Ryan’s Miracle Watch 1/14/19

SPECIAL   adjective:   surpassing what is common or usual or expected

I love this definition of the word special.

Last week, Ryan and I started reading the Bible from the beginning again. I forget the exact passage, but somewhere in Genesis it talks about Adam and Eve eating fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and their eyes being opened and realizing their nakedness, etc. They became ashamed; aware of evil things around them.

Special-needs, or developmentally challenged, children/people are “special” indeed! One trait I’ve noticed in most of the “special” people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and/or heard about over the years is they are extremely kind and loving. For the most part, they’re “un-jaded” or “innocent” by/about the world around them. I know the following thought is not Biblical, but it almost seems that “special-needs” people are like Adam and Eve before they ate from that tree. And, I know “special” people have their faults, just not as much as the rest of us.

I wish I were more like “special-needs” people…xoxox

Ryan’s Miracle Watch 1/13/19

Here are a few funnies to start the week off on the  right foot…or left…your choice…

“If really good-looking people are ‘eye candy’, I guess that puts me somewhere in the ‘eye broccoli’ category.” – I shouldn’t think this one is funny, but I do.

“Orthodontists across the country are going on strike tomorrow. Brace yourself.” – Please don’t make me explain this one.

“As a mortician, I always tie the shoelaces of the dead together. That way, if there is a zombie apocalypse, it will be hilarious!” – My high school wrestling coach was a mortician, and would drive us to wresting meets in the back of his hearse. True story.

“My friend thinks he’s so smart. He said the only food that onions are the only food that make you cry. So, I threw a coconut at his face.” – Most of Ryan’s sentences used to start with “My friend…” He has so many friends…including y’all.

Okay, one more…

Janine just said, “You weren’t even listening!”. I thought, that was a weird way to start a conversation. – Another true story.

Well, I thought these were funny. Then again, I think turnips are funny…

Ryan’s Miracle Watch 1/12/19

Tonight, I ran into a couple of Ryan’s high school friend’s parents, who coincidentally (you don’t really think I believe that, do you?), happened to be thinking about Ryan just a couple of days ago. It was so nice to hear how Ryan had affected their children’s lives (in a positive), as well as their lives as parents. God is still using Ryan in remarkable ways, and I am so blessed to be part of the ride…WOW!